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"Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is keep your mouth closed." This is more true now than ever. Remember, you can mute, block, and unfriend/unfollow people too. It's also important to say that if you get unfriended or blocked, don't be offended. People are doing what they need to do, just as you need to do what you need to do.You don't have to respond to everything that floats your way. Be kind to you. #EverydayKindness
Around the world, right now, many of us are "stuck" at home. We are uncomfortable -- bored, lonely, angry, and terrified. How do we get through this time?
"Let us come alive to the splendor that is all around us and see the beauty in ordinary things." Thomas Merton
We must begin to see the splendor that surrounds us. Ordinary things are ridiculously beautiful Beginning to notice the beauty in the boring is a part of true self kindness. #EverydayKindness
There will be a day when all there is to know about this pandemic will be counted, recounted, argued over, and finally determined what exactly happened. For now, we have the difficult challenge of getting through each uncertain day. What can you do? Be kind. You'll change your world and the world around you. #EverydayKindness
"Don't ever make the mistake of thinking kindness is a weakness. Sometimes it takes great strength to smile and say kind words." KushandWizdom.tumblr These words are even more relevant now. It's so easy to slide right into the righteous indignation conversation. So easy to repeat things like "Darwin awards" or "Wait 'til they get sick" or "Morons!" I struggle with this myself. The harder road is always going to be the road of kindness and compassion. The road that will help you and make you feel better is also the road of kindness and compassion. #EverydayKindness
This is one of my favorites. Right now, we have to remember that everyone -- including you -- is freaked out. Everyone you come in contact with is either faking it or freaking out in front of you. Be kind. Try not to follow the others down the panic, rage, shame drain. Breathe. Do what calms you. And yes, sometimes you have to force yourself to calm down. It's good practice. #EverydayKindness.
Most people are feeling anxious right now, and there's a lot to be anxious about. Research shows that just 6 acts of kindness a week can relieve anxiety and help to create a happier life. What can you do if you're stuck at home? Say a few nice words to people on your social media feed. Call a friend or family member. Write an email to someone you haven't seen in a while. Donate money to a food bank or plan to grow an extra row of food in your garden to give to the hungry. What is your list of kind acts in the time of quarantine? What acts of kindness have you committed recently?
Day 7: Self-kindness mini-course
In this, our last segment of our mini-course, I wanted to talk to you about "them."
I see a lot of people eat themselves up inside with anxiety, grief, rage, and most of all guilt about "those guys" -- family members, or friends, who have slipped into the insanity of this time.
It's important that we take a moment to look at "them" so that we can find peace with ourselves.
First, indulge me in a little detour.
If you know me, you know that I love dogs, and dogs love me. I love those videos where sick dogs get help and become someone's pet. I love pet training shows. My recent obsession is Dog IMpossible (DisneyPlus), mostly because the trainer believes things I also believe.
Most mean dogs are actually terrified. They have in their heads that they are in danger all the time. They need to learn that they are safe and loved.
Back to the point -- it's been my experience that "they" are terrified. When I see "them" out there protesting I don't see defiance.
I see terror.
In my personal experience, "they" are terrified of being left out or left behind. This looks like a terror of losing power, and there's a lot of truth in that.
Not belonging is deadly in human beings. Quite literally, there are a variety of studies which show that being "othered" can literally cause a person to die.
It also can cause a lot of rage.
In this mini-course, we've learned that everyone has an inner-tyrant who is fighting to keep each of us safe.
Imagine if you will that this inner-tyrant believes that you are left out through no fault of your own. The world has changed through no fault of your own. Terrifying. So terrifying that your inner-tyrant finds the terror itself to be deadly.
The inner-tyrant decided that this horrible feeling has got to be their fault.
Remember you're dealing with the logic of a three year old.
This three year old is fed 24 hours a day with people who say: You're being left behind. These people hate you. They are wrong and you are right. <-- messages that terrifying the three year old even more.
(Many of have loved ones who have transformed into a terrified version of themselves after watching certain channels for a some time.)
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
When a dog is in "the red zone," he is unable to hear or think.
When a person is in "the red zone," he is unable to hear or think.
How do you snap a dog out of it?
You have to distract them to snap them out of it. You can use sound or a hose or throw a ball at them or... you're looking to distract, not injure them or yourself.
What works for a person? Again, in my experience these folks feel left out, that they don't fit in.
This is what I do:
* I say a very loud: "Hello."
* When they turn to me, I give them a big smile and say something like, "Tough times, eh?"
The point here is to distract, not to engage.
What else works? "Nice day today" or "How are you?" or something just off the wall like -- "I like that shirt."
This is a distraction that can help shift the brain.
Once you've shifted someone out of non -thinking mode, they are ready to hear what you have to say.
"It's going to be okay." "I hear you." "This is a hard time for everyone." These work.
You can't always be sure with dogs or people that they won't bite you -- literally or figuratively. So be careful.
In the end there is there is no "them" only "us."
I can hear you -- "but" "but" "but".
NO. There is no "them."
Think of it this way -- you need a kidney. Someone offers to give you theirs but s/he is one of "them."
Are you really going to refuse it?
Over the last week, we've talked about ideas and tools to help you become more kind to yourself. There are lots of links and people to look up, if you're interested. Doing this work can change your life -- truly.
Being kind to yourself can mean that you learn to be kind to the terrified and misled in our would. Your kindness might be the thing that soothes their fear. Soothing their fear may bridge their way back into your love and your life.
Kindness always starts inside.
Good luck.